Anger Management: An Islamic perspective: Part
one
How many times have you shouted at your
parents? How many times have you felt so angry
that you were just about to hit someone? Does this
happen a lot? You're not the only one.
Many people now are unable to control themselves
and end up arguing with others, often the ones that
they love - their parents, their brothers, their
sisters, their husbands or wives. Here we're listing
some reasons that stir people's anger and ways
given from the Qur'an and Sunnah to overcome this
anger and control yourself.
When first God created humanity, He created many
emotions and desires within each person, which we
call human instincts. These include positive
qualities such as recognizing truth and expressing
it, love and compassion, pure physiological desires
such as being thirsty, hungry and in need of sex.
Then there are some negative qualities such as
hate and anger, with resultant violence and
dejection.
Allah says in the Qur'an:
"And when your Lord said to the angles, "I am
creating successors on the earth." They said, "Will
You create on it those who will spread corruption
and spill blood, although we celebrate Your praise
and extol Your Holiness?" He said," I know what
you do not know." (Qur'an 2:30)
Also Allah instilled some protective mechanisms for
fighting these negative instincts(Used in right
purpose then its became a positive quality).
Allah says in the Holy Qur'an:
"Man was created weak."
During the moment of weakness, we succumb to
the designs of our enemy, that is, the devil, who
"will attack us from front, from behind, from the
side," in order to divert us from God consciousness
and return to our animistic nature. Thus anger by
itself is not unnatural; it is the expression of anger
which is done wrongfully, can lead to problems.
The difference between the wild beasts and wild
humans is the difference of free will.
When a lion or a wolf is angry, he does not think.
When a man becomes angry as a result of
provocation, he has a choice to control his anger or
to respond to it as he has learned from the Qur'an
and from Prophet Mohammad's teachings, or
forget all that and become a wild animal. Thus
anger takes place when we are not in control of
ourselves, but the devil is controlling us. Anger in
itself is a natural feeling, Allah has put such feeling
inside us to react against what's harming us, for
instance to protect our lives, our properties, and
our families. Yet we shouldn't over do that.
Meaning it is ok to feel angry, but it is dangerous
and forbidden by Allah to surrender to your anger
and follow it to as far as it takes you (for it might
drive you to killing somebody).
Anger is a de stabilizing thought. It is the most
dividing emotion between friends; it takes away
judgment, leads to depression, madness and wrong
actions that we would repent later on when we are
not angry. But why do we get angry to begin with?
It is either an unexpected provocation or
unexpected situation which leads to frustration and
an angry response.
During anger, one can physically or verbally abuse
a person that he or she loves, hurt another living
being like an animal, or during the dejection phase
of anger, one can even hurt him- or herself and
even commit suicide. Prophet Mohammad (PBUH)
gave us the medicine for that saying:
"Shake hands and rancor will disappear. Give gifts
to each other and love each other and enmity will
disappear".
Also Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) said:
"A strong person is not the person who throws his
adversaries to the ground. A strong person is the
one who contains himself when he is angry".
The point is that the natural fulfillment of normal
desires, whether in terms of food or sex, is a
prerequisite for prevention of anger. There are
many chemicals and hormones which affect our
moods and behavior. It is well known that
hypoglycemia and hyperthyroidism precipitate
irritability when feeling angry. We must keep our
hormones in balance in addition to facilitate our
spiritual well-being.
Anger Management: An Islamic perspective: Part
two
We Muslims, are followers of Prophet Mohammad
(PBUH), right? What better example of patience do
we have than that of our own blessed Prophet
himself?
Prophet Mohammad (PBUH), who was sent to
mankind to teach them good moral conduct,
learned to control his anger toward the Unbelievers
and teach them appropriate expressions. He used
to speak against being angry. We think that we
have it tough, when one of his days was probably
tougher than the whole of our lifetimes! When we
look at his life, our own difficulties seem so
pathetic in comparison. Imagine spending 13 years
completely devoting his life spreading the word of
Islam and suffering hardship. This was a man who
had the burden of the whole of mankind's future on
his shoulder. Yet he had the tolerance and self-
discipline to be able to forgive those around him
who were themselves so ignorant.
The best example of this was when the Prophet
(saw) went to a place called Ta'if. This was at the
time when the followers of Islam were at their
weakest and the Prophet himself had suffered the
loss of both his wife Khadijah (May Allah be
pleased with her) and his uncle Abu Talib. He went
to this town in the hope that they would listen to
what he had to say. Instead he was insulted and
chased out of the town by the children who threw
stones at him till (it was described) the blood
flowed from his body to his feet making his
sandals sticky with his own blood. The Prophet
was so depressed that he prayed to Allah, who
then sent down the Angel of the mountains who
asked for the Prophet's permission to fold the
mountains together and crush to death all those
that lived there. But what was the prophet's reply?
"Yes, kill them all as they did not listen to me"? No,
off course not! His answer was "No, I hope Allah
will bring from them people who will worship Allah
alone, associating none with Him."
This was the example of the Prophet, even though
he felt bitterness and was very angry with them, he
had the discipline and control to not let his
emotions control his actions and he forgave them
realizing that they were merely misguided.
One companion asked him, Give me some advice by
virtue of which I hope for good in the life hereafter,
and he said, "Don't be angry." Another person
asked, what will save me from the wrath of God,
and he said, "Do not express your anger." A third
person asked three times, 0 Messenger of Allah,
give me an order to do a short good deed, and he
said, "Don't be angry." Once he asked a question
of his companion, "Who among you do you
consider a strong man?" They said, the one who
can defeat so-and-so wrestler in a fight, and he
said, that is not so. The one who is strong is the
one who can control himself at the time of anger.
He also said that anger is like fire, which destroys
you from within, and it can also lead you to the fire
of hell by your own expressions of anger unjustly.
So being angry is similar to being drunk. In both
cases, we do not know what we are doing, hurting
ourselves or someone else, and afterwards when
the intoxication is over, we repent.
Sheikh Hassan Al Basri said that one of the signs
of the Believers is that his anger does not prevail
over him.
One should distinguish between natural response to
wrongdoing and disbelief. A person who has no
feelings about oppression, wrongdoing and disbelief
is, in fact, an impotent person emotionally. It has
been said, "Evil flourishes when a few good people
do not do anything to oppose it." Thus response to
injustice and operation in a civilized way is the
appropriate expression of anger. Being neutral to
injustice is equal to contributing to injustice.
Caliph Ali was once fighting in a war imposed on
Muslims, and the chief of the Unbelievers
confronted him. During the fight, the Ali was able
to overcome him, who fell down on the ground and
Ali was about to kill him. This person, knowing his
fate now, had no choice so he spit on the face of
Ali. Ali immediately got up and left him alone. The
man came running to him and asked, "You had a
chan ce to kill me since I am a Polytheist; how
come you didn't use your sword?" Ali said, "I have
no personal animosity toward you. I was fighting
you because of your disbeliever, on behalf of God. If
I had killed you after you spat on my face, then it
would have become my personal revenge which I
do not wish to take." That Unbeliever chief became
a Muslim immediately and testified that 'There is
no god but Allah, and that Prophet Mohammad
(PBUH) is the Messenger of Allah'.
When Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) became angry
at someone else's wrong actions or disbelief's, he
never expressed it with his hand or tongue. His
companions knew that he was angry by just
looking at his face, which would turn red and with
some sweat on his forehead, and he would keep
quiet for a moment, trying to control himself.
What happens to us physiologically when we are
angry?
Our heart beats rate and blood pressure go up; this
is a direct effect of excessive adrenalin in our
system. Our physical strength increases although
spiritual strength decreases. Our intellect or power
to reason disappears, and things we would not
justify in a normal state become acceptable.
How can we defeat anger?
To root out anger is impossible and unnatural, and
may even be harmful. But what we should do is to
control this feeling and do not let it lead us to
what's wrong and forbidden in our religion (Islam).
Firstly I advise you to avoid too much sensitivity
that makes you "deaf, dumb and mute." For some
people getting engaged in something else that
diverts their attention away from what's angers
them can be useful. For others, engaging in
remembrance of God or meditation might work, but
for common folk, they need some worldly tools.
Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) had advised us that
when angry, one should try to change his body
position. Meaning, if you're standing up, sit down,
and if you're sitting down stand up. If this didn't
work, then go and wash and get prepared for
praying.
When you're angry, thin k of Allah. Think of Allah's
anger and punishment. Is Allah's wrath less than
your wrath? And what happens when He expresses
His wrath? We humans who seek forgiveness from
Allah must forgive others first. When one forgives
someone else, it establishes peace and tranquility
in one's heart.
The first attribute of Allah that we Muslims are
reminded (of) is Ar Rahman-Ar Rahim that is, Kind
and Merciful. God Himself said, my mercy overtakes
my wrath, and He told in one of the Hadith Qudusi,
'O son of Adam, when you get angry, remember
Me." Thus, remembrance of God and meditation will
put us on the right track. One of the meditation
words is ya Halim (Patient), which is one of the
attributes of God, being the Mild One. One can also
pray to God to take control. We must also think
that our life that is so dear to us, is a temporary
life, and we must not forget our death and destroy
the life of eternity at the cost of this life. Washing
one's face with cold water or taking a cold shower
is also helpful.
That is how the saying, "turn the other cheek"
came about. One will become a calm person when
he makes peace with himself, Allah and his
surroundings. Anger is a costly weed; it costs one
his health, life in this world, and the life in the
Hereafter. This weed must be rooted out to allow
the healthy plant of righteousness, piety and
obeying Allah nurture and grow. Also anger is one
of the weapons of Satan, we should be careful that
we do not fall prey to his weapons, rather we
should protect ourselves by being patient.
No comments:
Post a Comment